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Rocket Knight Adventures/Transcript
(Episode starts with Sonic, Tails and Eggman in a hot tub.) Sonic: Ah...Good thing we got this hot tub. I'm so relaxed that I can't remember. Tails: Hey, Eggman, what's that poking my leg? Eggman: Oh, it's nothing. I just have an erection in my penis. Sonic and Tails: (Jumps out of the tub.) Aw...come on! Sonic: (Notices a badly-sunburnt Jim on the floor and picks him up.) Oh, right, that's why we have this thing here. All dried up from the desert! Jim: Don't put me in the boner water! (Sonic ignores him and tosses him in the tub.) Argh! It's in my mouth! (His skin returns to normal.) (Sonic and his gang notices Sparkster behind them.) Sparkster: Right, I'm going to need one of you guys, preferbly not the tubby with the chubby, to help me out. Eggman: Yeah. You don't want me tagging along. This bad boy will stay for at least two or three minutes. Sonic: That's my queue! Alright, what are we doing? Sparkster: Follow me. (Walks off with Sonic following.) Tails: Who's that? Eggman: Oh, that's Sparkster. He's an opossum knight! Jim: That's weird. Eggman: Yeah, that's perfectly normal! Like a blue hedgehog, a two-tailed fox and a talking worm.) (Sonic and Sparkster can be seen fighting cutlass wielding dogs.) Sonic: So, what are we doing here? Sparkster: The kingdom of opossums have been overrun by the Yellow Dog Soldiers! Sonic: Right, so we're off to a...weird start? (On a airship, Sonic and Sparkster can be seen fighting heavy-armored pigs.) Sparkster: We need to do better to fight off the Yellow Pig Soldiers! Sonic: Right! Wait, weren't they dog soldiers a second ago? Sparkster: What's that?! Couldn't hear you. But there's more! Sonic: More?! (Sonic and Sparkster are in a ruins fighting a giant robotic worm.) Sparkster: After we fight through our friends, the Yellow Lizard Soldiers, we must... Sonic: Wait, wait, wait! What happened to the dogs?! And the pigs?! Who is this worm?! What the fuck is going to in this game?! Sparkster: Right...all good questions, let's go! (Sonic and Sparkster confronts a pig in a tank.) Sparkster: There he is! The Yellow Dog's leader, Generalissimo Lioness! ATTACK! Sonic: Hold on! None of this makes any sense! There's no fucking way this dude's name is Generalissimo Lioness! He's a pig in a tank! Sparkster: Of course he's the Generalissimo! Tell him, Generalissimo! The Generalissimo: Er. Sonic: Seriously, dude, what the fuck is going on? Sparkster: (Sobbing) I'm so confused! It started out fine but then two different sequels came out a the same time and everything got humblety-jumblety! Do you have any idea what's it like to have your image ruined by shitty games?! Sonic: Kinda, I turned into a werewolf or some shit in one game but...let's just do this so you can pay me and I can get the fuck out ofhere. Sparkster: Oh, I can't pay you. Sorry. Sonic: Oh, how nice! (Shoots Sparkster) ALL HAIL GENERALISSIMO LIONESS!! The Generalissimo: Yay...